Reflection on Pride
The crossroad of should and must
As I sit here, mid Pride month, reflecting on my own pride story, these thoughts come to mind…
Stalked through public areas
Mothers shielding their children from me and my partner like we were dangerous
Being told I will make my nieces gay
Rejected by family members
Passive-aggressive comments made about how disgusting I am, how I should go to hell, or better yet, die.
Violence threats and anti-gay mob mentality.
Fear of losing my job if my sexual orientation was made public.
What’s next?
Hi. It’s been a while. What a great way to start a post, huh! But the truth is, this is where my mind lands these days when the world reminds me I’m gay instead of just human. Memories of all this happening, and the fear of more extreme situations for others in my community.
What worries me the most is how polarized our country is and what that will do to my family. I’ve been watching negativity spread and indoctrinate like wildfire. I’m left in the wake, wondering when, if ever, the shift will return. If my kids will make it through.
I’m at a crossroads with my identity. The crossroad of should and must.
I came to this realization after two things.
I’ve been working to fine tune my mind to align with the spiritual laws of the universe. Meaning, I’m starting to believe that everything happens on purpose. Not just saying it, but actually trying to embody that feeling. The challenges and suffering we experience both physically and emotionally are all meant to teach us about ourselves. And if we listen, find the gratitude of every challenge we face, it makes us wiser, stronger, and empowered. Empowered enough to overcome any negative mindset someone decides to throw our way. Because the truth is, it really isn’t about me anyway. I should be fearful, but I must lean into compassion.
I recen
tly watched the new How to Train Your Dragon with my family. The movie was one big metaphor for me. This tribe is at battle with the dragons who pilfer the tribe nightly to ravage their food sources and burn down the village. What the tribespeople don’t realize is that the dragons are in fear for their lives and answer to the dictator, the queen mother dragon, who will kill them if they don’t continue to supply her with endless sustenance. Meanwhile, a young boy (the chief’s son) befriends a fallen dragon, learns the secret, and realizes it’s all a big misunderstanding, but NO ONE believes him when he tries to tell the tribe. He is basically laughed at and banished. He should stay quiet. He should do what his long line of lineage has done: fight dragons. He should not create conflict. It’s him against his tribe. Fast forward to the chief finding out about the queen mother dragon, and he sends the army of tribespeople to fight it, only to find they are no match for the giant beast. In the meantime, the boy manages to show a small group of peers how to befriend a dragon (and why), and this small, but mighty and empowered group of young people, who all lean into their own unique gifts, take on the beast and save the entire tribe. Then, the tribespeople and dragons live in harmony. The lesson being that if we can actually lean into love to learn and understand one another, there isn’t anything (or anyone) we can’t overcome. The movie was powerful and a tear-jerker. I should be a dragon slayer, but I must lean into compassion.
So as I reflect on Pride this year, the dilemma is, should I stay quiet myself, while living under a blanket of fear, but knowing we are meant for something greater, or must I step into my own unique gifts and lean into love instead? Spread the light of humanity.
The energy of must is palpable, and all. by. design. While we in Texas are headed backward, posting the Ten Commandments in school classrooms, or removing any DEI propaganda as examples, I must be the one who leans into love. Not pride, not coercion, not my own agenda or propaganda. Love.
Because we are ALL human and we all have a purpose (even if I don’t agree with it).
Easier said than done, believe me. But every day I’m practicing. Every day, I choose to step into joy (internal validation) and sit less in the fear of other people (external validation).
It is not for me to decide or judge what others do or say, even though at times, it’s a little scary. What is within my control is how I choose to spread the light in my own life, unapologetically.
Will you join me?
I L O V E Y O U A B B Y!